I just spent the past hour rereading Dylan's blogs from about May til recent. And I am feeling sorry for myself, and guilt for him. Part of me wants to run and hide, wondering  how he could love me? How could he put up with me?

I don't know.

BUt then again, that's all his blog is full of- me running, hiding, lying. He's right, I hold him to a higher standard than I hold myself, and then i get mad when he falters even the tinies bit. Which leads back to the question on why he puts up with me

Right now, I am in our home- OUR HOME- kissing his back, and loving him so much, But then a part of me wonders if I really do love him. Could i treat him that way if i did.

When he called me Mix forever ago he was right, i am just as selfish, bratty, and blind to my own flaws as calli was. And she lost him because of it. Am I willing to do the same?

no

but i don't know how to change. do i tell him everything that goes through my head!? EVERYTIME?

hell, lissa is in here all the time and she still doesn't know everything. and wouldn't that be annoying- plus potentially get me in a lot of trouble? but if i am not honest, all the time, then what? then we get to look forward to another few weeks like the past ones... another 4 later of me reading what he's thinking, what he doesnt have the heart to say to me, and making me miserable cause i realize that i suck

that's not shibby at all

 

So now what? Do i tell him hey i realize i'm a brat and yes i've realized it before but this time i really REALLY know what you mean and from now on i'm going to tell you when you are lame, and when i checked out some hot guy and when i forgot to pay a bill on time and had to run aournd like a freak to get it done

and do i tell him how i feel like i am no good for him but am too selfish to let him go- do i tell him there are times that i wished lissa had left me sick longer so that he could move on- do i tell him that i think coming back was a regret cause he wont ever be happy with me cause i will always find a way to ruin it

 

or are those the exceptions

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