Dylan woke up. He said it was because of me, that I basically pulled him out with my emotional hurricane self. And if that is the truth - then yay me. But then he went stupid. He went stupid and pushed at me to not be around him anymore. He wouldn't listen and I was really to shocked to make the best arguments. And then from all the stress and all the pain and everything that I had been fighting lately to do more than slap him and cry. Luke drove me home and slept on the couch while I passed out in our bed. He's been a dream, and though, yes I am begining to understand what he is doing, I am not stopping him. I'm not encouraging him, but I am not stopping him. It's petty, sure, but Dylan wants me to be off and happy with other people, then he gets to deal.

The question that keeps bugging me is why. Why. Why now, when we need eachother so much more than we've needed in almost 2 years. Why now does he push me away? Does he seem ungrateful? After all the crap I have done to make sure that he was well taken care of? Yes to the outsider I suppose he does. That's Luke's take on it anyways. But I know his motives. He's gone noble on me. And taken my choice right away from me. The jerk! He doesn't get to yell at me about choices and then lecture and then scream and then do this! He doesn't! And had I been sleeping better, and not about to crack I would have told him so. But I didn't and I couldn't and it wasn't til about a day ago when I really stopped pacing and started thinking that I got it. And instead of making me want to storm up to him and fix it it makes me want to storm up to him and kick his ass.

His brothers think that I have become some kind of cold hearted bitch. That I refuse to even say his name in some petty way to get back at him. That I hang out and ON Lucas to drive it home to him. And while that is so very tiny slightly true- that is not THE truth. I have a plan. And I think it might be working. But I need to get Dylan into a place where he thinks he's won. Anytime we happen to accidently run into eachother (*how did the Valley get so much smaller by the way*) I don't have to fake rage, disappointment, slight hope and love at him. Cause I feel all those. And since he can't read the thoughts behind those feelings I think I am safe for now.

 

But watch it, Wallace. Because you aint never seen this side of me- and when I take you down we are getting married. Don't you fucking even think about not going through with what you promised.

 

You can't leave me Dylan, because I am not me without you. You are the part of me that I love. You have to stay.

 

You just have to.

Ouch a bit hars aren't we lioness? No one over here in Casa de Wallace thought you went and turned into a cold hearted bitch. Not even for a moment. As a matter of fact, giving him some distance this week is probably the thing to do. After all, if he has some time to think about it, his brain might just find the hampster and put it back on the wheel.

It really is a shame about dear old luke though, we really wanted to like him, too bad his personality got in the way.

Sorry, Jake. I just know what it must look like. And I still ain't peeking into y'all because I am afraid of seeing him with someone else.

And Luke really ain't all bad. He's just...

oppruntistic.

Well here I thought you weren't peeking because of you know, privacy. But to be honest I havn't seen him around much myself. He's working at night in the shop, and is gone before Sam or I care to wake up.

Someone else though? You can't be serious!

And while Luke is opportunistic, that doesn't excuse the fact that he's stupid about it. Hey, it's my problem Lioness, don't you start to worry about it though.